Sample Paper 1 Critique

How interesting the paper is

How understandable the paper is

How convincing the paper is

How well-developed and supported the various topic sentences are

 

This paper was very interesting to me because it introduced the analogy of the story told about the stupid horse and the story of Junior moving to Reardan to achieve hope. I liked how the author compared Junior to the horse and the reservation as the lake. The lake did pull down the horse which led to its inevitable death. Just like in the story, those who did stay on the rez did have a shorter life expectancy but they also had no hope left for them. Overall, this paper was pretty understandable and has some pretty good ideas that can be refined a bit more to make it more proficient.  I was convinced that the author knew what they were talking about.

A few cons of the paper would be simple grammatical errors that could be easily fixed such as present and past tense. Also some of the sentences were very very short so maybe add a little to them. Also the format is a bit confusing as there are quotes everywhere with little analysis. I couldnt find some of the topic sentences because the quotes were used to start new paragraphs. There could be uses of transitions and concluding sentences.  This could possibly be a rough draft so its understandable that the author was just placing everything where they seemed to fit but hopefully the final draft had a good "flow".  Finally, I'd say that the thesis should be revised more so it could encompass all the ideas that are being mentioned within the essay.

Why you should read "The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian"

Dear young person,

I believe you should read the novel The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian by author Sherman Alexie because it portrays the life of an adolescent Indian boy who lived in a very poor Indian reservation that overcame all the adversity that was thrown at him. The main character, Arnold "Junior" Spirit, is born with brain defects which causes him to have a few physical abnormalities, such as large feet. He is teased by many Indians within the reservation, some offenders being adults, which causes him to be afraid of the outside world. He does, however, have a best friend who is the baddest and toughest kid of the reservation named Rowdy, ironic huh? Rowdy and Junior do every activities together ranging from sports to attending the local powwows. Eventually Junior feels as if the reservation is holding him back because he is told by one of his teachers that he has the potential to be great. Junior decides to transfer to a nearby town's high school, Reardan High School, which is filled with many white kids who have either never seen an Indian or are prejudice against them. Eventually, Junior becomes one of the most popular kids at the white high school through his courage, determination, and optimism. You can say that because of attending Reardan, Junior achieved more that he would have at the reservation. But that is not the point.

The book shows that a kid who grew up fearing everything around him, also very dirt poor, still found happiness by taking a very courageous risk by going against his reservation and attending a "white" school. He ended up dating the hottest girl at the school and also befriended the schools toughest jock, which is unusual because on their first encounter they got into a fist fight. Arnold never gave up and persevered through all of the hard-balls life threw at him because he had something called hope. All the things he hoped for all became a reality once after attending Reardan. By believing in himself he was able to achieve happiness. Not only did Arnold have hope, but he inspired those around him to go out and reach for their dreams. Who knows, maybe this book can influence and motivate you to achieve greater things in life.

Native American Current Events

The current state of affairs for Native Americans:

-Yakama have "jurisdiction over certain civil and criminal matters" in the state of Washington thanks to Gov. Jay Inslee. There are current discussions in giving the Yakama police forces more authority in area that are out of the reservation. (http://indiancountrytodaymedianetwork.com/2014/01/29/yakamas-bittersweet-moment-gaining-some-criminal-jurisdiction-153253)

-The Department of Justice announced that it would support tribes financially by funding for public safety, victim services, and crime prevention. (http://www.nativetimes.com/index.php/news/federal/9388-doj-announces-funding-opportunities-for-tribes)

Response to Obama SOTU

By increasing the minimum wage, Obama is not only hurting small businesses but also causing the unemployment rate to increase as well. For instance, Lee Greer, President of the Greer Company and owner of the Cheddar restaurants, believes that by raising the minimum wage his business and businesses like his will be in debt or most likely be bankrupt. Mr. Greer said that, “the very people you’re trying to help, who we are trying to help, just lose their jobs” (Greer, 2014)[1]. With the new minimum wage law, people will lose their jobs even though the intention and design of the law is to help those people who are facing poverty. Therefore by raising the minimum wage, many people will be left jobless due to companies trying to maintain the new minimum wage law and also looking out for the survivability of their companies and not being driven to debt or bankruptcy. Similarly, by increasing the minimum wage, Obama is increasing the unemployment rate. According to a recent study by the American Action Forum, if every state in the nation enacts Obama’s minimum wage law, there would be “over 2.3 million new jobs…lost across the country” (American Action Forum, 2014)[2]. The study shows that 2.3 million jobs would be lost for Americans if the minimum wage increases. As stated before, companies trying to adapt to Obama’s minimum wage law will cause many Americans to lose their jobs due to the fact that most companies need to be able to function without breaking the law and facing debt. Ultimately, Obama is hurting small businesses and their employees with his new minimum wage law.

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[1] Wheatley, K. (n.d.). Minimum wage bill clears Kentucky House. The State Journal. Retrieved February 2, 2014, from http://www.state-journal.com/latest%20headlines/2014/01/31/minimum-wage-bill-clears-kentucky-house

[2] The Steep Cost of a $10 Minimum Wage. (n.d.). American Action Forum. Retrieved February 2, 2014, from http://americanactionforum.org/research/the-steep-cost-of-a-10-minimum-wage